Do you think you’ll get married someday? And if so, do you anticipate you, your spouse or both of you taking a new last name?
What are your thoughts on the tradition of changing one’s name upon marriage — romantic, unnecessary or something else entirely?
In the Opinion essay “A Married Name That Looks Nothing Like Us,” Sally Ho writes about marrying a man whose last name came from his adoptive family:
Let me preface this by saying I had long anticipated the day I would marry the love of my life and willingly absorb myself into his identity. Some may see it as an old-fashioned or even oppressive belief, but feminist credibility was the least of my identity issues at this juncture of young adulthood.
Ever since I was a toddler playing wedding or mommy, I had looked forward to finding someone I loved so much that I wanted to be a part of him. The name change, to me, was not just tradition but also romantic, a beautiful symbol of the union we were committing to forever.
Yet, once I became engaged, I questioned that fantasy. While I adore Eddie’s big, rambunctious family and greatly respect my loving, hard-working in-laws, I initially struggled to feel attached to the Obermueller name because it didn’t feel properly attached to my fiancé.
As we talked through it, the official concern I relayed to Eddie was my established career as a journalist. We had been dating for five years at that point, but my career as a writer stretched twice as long. He accepted the explanation as logical and practical.
Students, read the entire essay, then tell us:
— What, if anything, resonates with you from Ms. Ho’s essay?
— Ms. Ho writes about not feeling that her husband, who was adopted at age 9, is “properly attached” to his last name. Do you feel attached to your own last name? Why or why not?
— Why do you think people choose to take — or not take — their spouse’s last name?
— What is your opinion of the practice of both spouses changing their last name upon marriage?
— What about last names for children? If two parents don’t share the same last name, what last name should any children have? Should they inherit one last name but not the other? Should the children have a hyphenated last name?
— Do you think that in the future, more people or fewer people will change their last names when they get married? Why?
Students 13 and older are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public.
