You bump into an old friend you haven’t seen in a long time.
Your parents give you the Xbox you’ve been dying for.
You just hit a 3-pointer to win the basketball game and a teammate rushes up to you to celebrate.
You see a relative off to a train station.
Do you hug them? Why or why not?
How important are physical affection and contact to you? Do you ever wish you could be more of a hugger?
In “Are You a Hugger? Your Answer May Be Telling.,” Christina Caron writes about how our memories of an embrace can reveal a lot about ourselves and our attachment styles:
Can you remember the last time that you received an especially good hug?
For Anna Lena Dueren, a psychologist in Germany, it was the day that her mother died. She was 19 years old when she received a call from her father telling her the news. In shock, she confided in a friend, who immediately hugged her.
“She held on for quite a while,” Dr. Dueren said. The hug was “super meaningful,” she added, and remains a vivid memory more than 10 years later.
Now, Dr. Dueren and her colleagues have published a study looking at how people remember and perceive hugs. Drawing from a large survey, they analyzed the responses of more than 15,000 people who were asked about the positive aspects of memorable hugs, like comfort, friendliness or happiness. The study suggested that people’s gender, as well as their attachment style — or how they relate to other people in the context of relationships, according to attachment theory — plays a role in what hugs mean to them.
“The perception of hugs is just incredibly complex,” Dr. Dueren said. Your feelings about being hugged can be influenced by a variety of factors, including experiences you’ve had in past relationships, the ways you’ve been physically touched in the past and your relationship to your body.
The article continues:
Survey participants filled out a questionnaire that measured their attachment style. Those who scored higher in what psychologists term an avoidant attachment style — displaying independence and self-sufficiency in their interpersonal relationships — were less likely to remember hugs that left them with positive emotions than those who scored lower on that scale. Those who had a so-called anxious attachment style — showing a tendency to feel distress when faced with the prospect of separation — had a greater likelihood of remembering a positive hug. (The questionnaire did not screen for those with a secure attachment style.)
Dr. Gail Saltz, a psychiatrist at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital, who was not involved in the study, said the results made sense given what we know about attachment styles.
For those with anxious attachment, who tend to crave extra reassurance, hugs might be “exactly what they’re seeking out,” Dr. Saltz said. “It’s a sign that would reduce their anxiety.”
However, those with avoidant attachment styles might feel scared or uncomfortable at the prospect of intimacy, she said. For them, hugs might elicit the feeling of “being smothered,” rather than comforted or supported.
Can hugs improve your health? The article continues:
Physical contact is known to have numerous health benefits. There is less research specifically on hugs, but some studies have shown they can help lower stress, improve mood and lower markers of inflammation.
Brooke C. Feeney, a professor of psychology at Carnegie Mellon University who was not involved in Dr. Dueren’s study, has found in her research that affectionate touch encourages feelings of security and safety, reduces stress and pain, and may even decrease the amount of jealousy that someone feels in a relationship.
“Interestingly, we find benefits for both imagined touch and actual touch,” Dr. Feeney said, referring to the process of asking study participants to visualize receiving affectionate, supportive touch.
Students, read the entire article and then tell us:
Are you a hugger? Why or why not? Can you remember the last time that you gave or received a good hug? What made it especially meaningful to you? For instance, did it offer you comfort, support or understanding? Why do you think you still remember it?
When do you embrace others? Do you like to give or receive hugs in moments of joy or sorrow? How about when you greet friends or family? Or, do you generally prefer less intimate gestures — especially when saying hello or goodbye — like a handshake, a fist bump or verbal greetings like “hey,” “later” or “what’s up?” Do you wish that hugs were a more regular part of your life?
What’s your reaction to the article and the study about how people remember and perceive hugs? What did you find most fascinating, memorable or surprising? Which attachment style described in the piece, if any, do you think you have?
The article notes that in some studies, hugs have shown they can help lower stress, improve mood and lower markers of inflammation. What benefits of hugging have you noticed in your life?
In the article, a professor in pediatrics and psychiatry says, “everyone needs a daily dose of touch.” Do you agree? How important to you is physical affection with your friends and family — whether that’s hugs or kisses, holding hands or giving an affectionate pat on the back? Is it a significant way for you to feel loved, cared for or connected with them? Or does it not mean that much to you?
Does reading the article make you more likely to hug someone the next time you see them? Why or why not?
Student Opinion, produced by The Learning Network, invites teenagers to add their voices to the conversation around New York Times articles. Find a teaching guide here.
Students 13 and older in the United States and Britain, and 16 and older elsewhere, are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public and may appear in print.
