Do You Like Spending Time Alone?

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Do You Like Spending Time Alone?

You’re about to read an article titled “You Can Learn to Love Being Alone.” Before you start reading, think about that statement. First, do you already love being alone? If you don’t, do you think it’s possible to learn to love it or at least to enjoy it more?

In the article, Holly Burns writes about positive ways to use solitude, including deciding what you want to accomplish by spending time on your own:

You might assume it’s just introverts who benefit from solitude, but research is mixed on whether they are actually more skilled at being alone, Dr. Thomas said. In her view, “anyone, with any personality, can enjoy it — with one caveat: if they know how to use it well.”

That means deciding what you want from your time, whether it’s processing a tough situation, tapping into creativity or just enjoying five cumulative minutes without someone under five asking you for something.

Without a goal “we’re just going to be throwing spaghetti at the wall, and that can elicit a false sense of failure, like ‘Oh, I’m just not good at being alone,’” said Gina Moffa, a grief and trauma psychotherapist in New York City.

Solitude can have a calming effect on our minds and bodies, which may be off-putting to people who usually equate happiness with feeling energized, Dr. Thomas said. They often just feel bored or restless.

The key to dispelling the discomfort is to replace it with something enjoyable. If you don’t know where to start, “think of something you like doing in general, and then try doing it by yourself,” Ms. Moffa said.

And no, doom scrolling Twitter doesn’t count as healthy solitude. In a 2020 study, Dr. Thomas followed 69 participants for a week, concluding that they were more emotionally satisfied with their solitude when they were truly alone, without their phones, than when they were alone but still on their phones.

“If you want to connect with yourself or feel calm or creative, is scrolling social media going to get you what you need?” she said. Most of the time, the answer is no.

The article also includes suggestions to prevent you from feeling lonely in solitude:

Checking in with a friend can still be part of your solitude ritual, Ms. Moffa said. In fact, “having the space to do that while we’re in this place of solitude can make the communication deeper and the connection more authentic, because we’re without the many layers of distractions around us.”

You can also do a solitary activity but share it communally. Ms. Moffa is part of a group chat with friends who text each other their Wordle scores every day. “We all do this thing quietly on our own, but it becomes something that connects us when we share it,” she said.

Solitude can also involve silence, which has been found to lower stress, improve sleep and help decision-making in some people. But without structure, it can feel intimidating, said Eloise Skinner, who spent a year training as a monk in a modern monastic community.

Students, read the entire article and then tell us:

  • How much solitude seems to be the right amount for you over the course of an average week? Is that amount what you typically get? Do you wish you had more time alone? Less?

  • When have you experienced meaningful solitude and benefited from it? Why do you think that time by yourself was positive? What lessons did you learn about spending time alone in general?

  • Where and how do you find peace? Is it in time spent alone or with others? If you were to share advice about what works best for you, how would you put it into words?

  • Have you ever participated in remote learning? Does any advice in the article resonate with you about your experience and the methods your teachers or parents have employed to keep you from feeling isolated?

  • The author talks about the importance of distinguishing solitude from loneliness. How would you describe the difference between them? Does wanting to avoid loneliness ever prevent you from seeking solitude?

  • The article points out that being alone while scrolling on your phone doesn’t count as “healthy solitude.” What do you think about that? When you’re alone, do you ever make a point to stay away from your phone?

  • How do you think your life might change if you sought significantly more time alone? Why?


Want more writing prompts? You can find all of our questions in our Student Opinion column. Teachers, check out this guide to learn how you can incorporate them into your classroom.

Students 13 and older in the United States and Britain, and 16 and older elsewhere, are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public.