Use your imagination to write the opening of a short story or poem inspired by this illustration — or, tell us about a memory from your own life that this image makes you think of.
Tell us in the comments, then read the related article to learn more.
Want more Picture Prompts? Find them all in this column.
Students 13 and older in the United States and Britain, and 16 and older elsewhere, are invited to comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff, but please keep in mind that once your comment is accepted, it will be made public.
Some artists’ contracts with their labels may give them the right to pull their music from online outlets for certain reasons, but others don’t, said Jeffrey M. Liebenson, a lawyer who has represented both record companies and digital services. And even if those rights are exercised, a service could raise objections to a mass exodus.
“Sometimes, the label can request a takedown if there’s a bona fide artist relations issue,” Liebenson said. “But the platform can get a little concerned: ‘Are they doing this because they have a legitimate artist relations issue, or are they waging a war against us?’”
Daily Word Challenge
Can you correctly use the word bona fide in a sentence?
Based on the definition and example provided, write a sentence using today’s Word of the Day and share it as a comment on this article. It is most important that your sentence makes sense and demonstrates that you understand the word’s definition, but we also encourage you to be creative and have fun.
Then, read some of the other sentences students have submitted and use the “Recommend” button to vote for two original sentences that stand out to you.
If you want a better idea of how bona fide can be used in a sentence, read these usage examples on Vocabulary.com.
Students ages 13 and older in the United States and the United Kingdom, and 16 and older elsewhere, can comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff.
Discover how photonics and semiconductors are impacting everything from transportation to healthcare and learn how you can start preparing for a career in electrical engineering.
This is an exciting time to be pursuing an electrical engineering degree. Electrical engineers are shaping the future of transportation, pioneering new approaches to healthcare, and addressing the current chip shortage impacting global supply chains.
University of Colorado Boulder Professor Juliet Gopinath, PhD, is helping build the next generation of electrical engineers through research focused on photonics and quantum engineering and teaching on campus. Among many accomplishments, she has created the Active Optical Devices Specialization for the Master of Science in Electrical Engineering on Coursera.
We spoke with Professor Gopinath recently about her background, the MS-EE program, and her Active Optical Devices Specialization on Coursera.
Can you tell us a bit about your engineering background and why you chose to teach at the University of Colorado Boulder?
I am a fifth-generation engineer. I had been interested in science and math from a young age, so I studied electrical engineering at the University of Minnesota. Afterward, I applied to the electrical engineering program at Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) and began my graduate work. At MIT, I had the chance to be part of a world-renowned Ultrafast Optics group. I studied the dynamics of electrons and holes in semiconductors with light, and I was blown away by how much you could learn.
When I graduated, I took a job at the MIT Lincoln Laboratory, where I built high-power lasers, including semiconductor lasers. In 2009, I had the opportunity to move to the University of Colorado Boulder and join the Electrical, Computer, and Energy Engineering and Physics Departments.
What led you to create the Active Optical Devices Specialization on Coursera, and what kind of opportunity does this program represent for aspiring electrical engineers?
After I joined CU-Boulder, I started teaching a course on Active Optical Devices—and really fell in love with it. The material was not only interesting, but useful. When I was on sabbatical, a colleague approached me about putting these courses on Coursera.
My dad is from India, and I know I’m privileged to have had these educational opportunities. People in other countries, especially women, often don’t have the same opportunities to take courses in electrical engineering or access higher education. I wanted to put my classes online as my way to give back and increase access to these topics.
What kind of background should students have if they want to take this next step on their career journey?
In order to study photonics, you need to have taken an undergraduate class in electromagnetics. This is the core curriculum for both electrical engineering and physics. It’s also extremely helpful if you have taken a basic Semiconductor Physics course, such as the one my colleague Professor Wounjhang Park has launched on Coursera.
Can you share some thoughts on why you’d recommend pursuing the MS-EE program as a foundation for professional skills?
The MS-EE program is a fantastic opportunity. You can earn your master’s without leaving your living room. Education is work, but it allows us to continue to innovate and change lives. If you are interested in photonics and semiconductors, this Specialization is a great way to learn the building blocks that you would need for a communications system or other optical system.
Why are photonics and optics such important topics for future electrical engineers?
Photonics and optics really touch every part of your life—from the LiDAR remote sensing used to monitor natural disasters or assist with self-driving cars, to retina scanning used in eye exams. When you go to the supermarket and scan your item at checkout, a laser is involved. When you take part in a Zoom call, there’s an optical fiber that carries the discussion and video. Lasers are even used for defense, such as with standoff detection.
We’re hearing a lot about electrical engineering and lasers in the news lately. Do you think this is having an impact on hiring demand, and if so, why?
Lasers are used in the manufacturing of semiconductor chips. Right now, there’s a global shortage of chips that is impacting car manufacturing and more. Discussions are taking place about increasing this chip manufacturing in the United States. Learning the physics of semiconductors and interaction with light (optoelectronics) is essential. There is a considerable need for electrical engineers with knowledge in this subject area.
What should students expect upon enrolling in the program?
The first course of the Specialization, Light Emitting Diodes and Semiconductor Lasers, is definitely the toughest, but students can ask questions and engage with the course facilitator. It’s hard work, but students are able to reap the benefits and apply their knowledge to real-world problems after completion.
We hear you have an excellent course facilitator. How does he help current students?
Yes! The course facilitator, Allen Xu, collaborates with students in these Coursera classes—answering questions in discussion forums, giving pointers on starting homework, and helping improve the course based on student feedback. He graduated from the MS-EE program and completed the Active Optical Devices Specialization, so he understands students’ needs and has been inspired by the topic.
Thank you for taking the time to share your insights, and for building such an important program to support learners eager to move into this high-impact career field!
–––
Professor Gopinath teaches three courses on Coursera, which make up the Active Optical Devices Specialization:
Light Emitting Diodes and Semiconductor Lasers: This course explores semiconductor light-emitting diodes (LEDs) and lasers, as well as the important rules for their analysis, planning, design, and implementation.
Nanophotonics and Detectors: This course examines nanophotonic light-emitting devices and optical detectors, including metal semiconductors, metal semiconductor insulators, and pn junctions. The curriculum also covers photoconductors, avalanche photodiodes, and photomultiplier tubes.
Displays: This course dives into electronic display devices, including liquid crystals, electroluminescent, plasma, organic light-emitting diodes, and electrowetting-based displays. Students also learn about various design principles, affordances and liabilities, and a variety of applications in the real world of professional optics.
Students who take these courses can apply their academic credit towards the 100% online, flexible Master of Science in Electrical Engineering (MS-EE) program—the only top-ranked online electrical engineering graduate program with no application and performance-based admission.*
*Optimal’s Guide to Online School, 2020 Best Online Master’s in Electrical Engineering Degrees in the US
Skills limitations around high-demand technologies such as machine learning, AI and cloud computing are causing the deceleration of business transformation in many companies. Recent McKinsey data shows that 42% of companies have stuck with the status quo for their tech strategy because it is too difficult to source the talent required for crucial technology transformation efforts. If businesses can’t find the talent they need, they must develop the talent internally through upskilling. This requires an effective way to assess and understand the skill gaps of their employees.
Today, Coursera for Business is excited to announce the expansion of LevelSets, including 39 new assessments for technology, finance and marketing skills. For employees, LevelSets allows employees to quickly determine their proficiency in key skills and identify areas to focus on moving forward. For companies, these 15-minute assessments give organizations greater visibility and insights into employee skills and the skill gaps that exist. This in-depth view of workforce skills enables companies to execute more impactful talent management strategies, helping to accelerate business transformation efforts.
The initial LevelSets offering featured more than 20 data and analytics-focused skills assessments. With the expansion to technology, finance, and marketing skills, LevelSets is the only solution that provides assessments across all of these critical domains. Now offering more than 60 total assessments, LevelSets allows employees to test proficiency in a range of high-demand skills including:
Technology – computer programming, dev ops, software engineering, network security, mobile application development.
Data and Analytics – data analysis, data management, cloud computing, machine learning, and Python.
Finance – accounting, statistics, business analysis, investment management, and risk management.
Marketing –advertising, brand management, project management, research and design, and web development.
Not only are LevelSets providing companies with greater visibility into workforce skills, but they’re also encouraging employees to learn. Recent data shows learners that took LevelSets are highlighly motivated to develop new skills, completing 87% more courses than learners that did not take an assessment. Providing employees with access to these assessments can help businesses organically drive an increase in upskilling throughout the organization.
Customers such as Procter and Gamble, WPP, Societe Generale Group, and Ingka Grouphave adopted LevelSets to more effectively measure the skills of their workforce and to help learners develop high-demand digital skills faster.
“The LevelSets skills assessment capability has allowed me and my team of analytical chemists to rapidly and effectively learn new skills, especially in data science, a major focus area for us. LevelSets allow everyone to evaluate their current skill level, pick the courses that are right for them and quickly leverage these new skills to solve real business problems.”
–Jennifer Morgan, PhD, Group Scientist at Procter and Gamble
Coursera for Business now provides over 3,100 companies across the globe with role-based skills development featuring world-class content, hands-on learning, and the ability to track, measure, and benchmark skills through a single, unified platform. In addition to LevelSets, Coursera’s Skills Dashboard helps organizations visualize skills data in a variety of ways so businesses can better understand the skills that exist at every level within their organization. This tool provides a birds-eye view of skill mastery, showing how many people have mastered a specific skill and how many still have room to learn. With skills breakdowns by teams and individuals, organizations can also use these insights to quickly identify the best person to lead new initiatives that require specific skills.
In addition, recent platform innovations such as SkillSets are helping employees develop skills for specific jobs. These SkillSets are the building blocks for our portfolio of Academies. Using underlying skills data, these Academies offer a packaged learning experience based on the depth of skill needed for specific roles across an organization.
As the rate of innovation accelerates, the development of new skills will be imperative. We are honored to work with leading organizations around the world to provide businesses with deeper visibility into the skills of their workforce and to create development paths for employees that allow them to advance their career.
Alison HQ is in Galway, Ireland, so naturally, we are celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, or as its also known: St. Paddy’s Day. Not only in our home office, but with all of you around the world. For those of you who aren’t quite sure what all the fuss and green beer are about every year. Today, we want to show you just how much there is to learn about The Emerald Isle and its rich heritage. From history to food and drink and especially music. It’s not all Riverdance and U2, and I can’t talk about the music of Ireland on St. Patrick’s Day without mentioning The Cranberries. I digress. Today, we are exploring traditional instruments and how you can master them with Alison. Now, join us as we celebrate with good friends, a whiskey or beer in hand, and lots of good music!
A Quick Historical Interlude
The origin of St. Patrick’s Day celebrations goes back more than 1,500 years to the 17th century, when the earliest known ones were held on March 17, commemoration the anniversary of the death of St. Patrick, the patron saint of Ireland, in the 5th century. Also known as the Feast of Saint Patrick, that marked the arrival of Christianity in Ireland.
The holiday has evolved into a celebration of Irish culture with parades, attending a céilí, which are traditional Irish gathering , special foods, folk music, dancing, drinking, particularly Irish whiskey and beer, and a LOT of green. The colour green being part of the Irish flag, the shamrock, the three-leaf clover symbol of Ireland and of course, the country’s nickname: The Emerald Isle.
Have you ever felt that you have a bit of the Luck of the Irish? You like the band Flogging Molly way more that you feel you should? Odds are you may have a little of the Emerald Isle in your family history. Learn how to research your Irish genealogy for free, and you may just be surprised to find out that your love of Guinness is genetic! With this course you will learn how to trace your Irish family history and what resources you can use to find out more about it, all from an Irish perspective.
Learn The Music of Ireland this St. Patrick’s Day
The musicianTomás Ó Canainn once said: “no aspect of Irish music can be fully understood without a deep appreciation of sean-nós singing. It is the key which opens every lock.”
Traditional Sean-nós singing is performed in Gaelic without the backing of instruments and is known for its melodic and expressive beauty. The term sean-nós, translates to “in the old way” and what better way to get you started with tthe Music of Ireland on St. Patrick’s Day.
When people think about Irish music, one of the first instruments that come to mind is the fiddle.
This is for good reason, Celtic traditional fiddle playing has passed down through the generations over many centuries. With our course on how you can learn the fundamentals of Irish fiddle playing, online for free. Your instructor, Doireann Ní Ghlacáin, is a professional musician and the face of Irish TV station TG4’s live music coverage channel.
For our final instrument in this post, we are going to bring in the percussion section.
Introducing, the Bodhrán (pronounced bow-ron), a corner stone of traditional Irish folk music. With this course, you will learn the fundamentals of playing the Bodhrán. Put in the practice and you will be well on your way to drumming along to reels and rhythms accompanied by fiddles, accordions, tin-whistles and more.
From all of us here at Alison, Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
If you’re making the switch from a full-time job to freelance developer, it can mark an exciting new chapter in your career. So much demand across industries! Freedom to set your own hours! No bosses micromanaging you! The world is your oyster!
It’s true: One of the best things about freelancing is the flexibility and autonomy you get from being your own boss, explains Nicole Young, a freelance Full-Stack Engineer who hosts a YouTube channel about breaking into the tech industry as a woman of color. “You have complete control over the types of clients and projects you take and the time you put into it,” Nicole explains. “It’s very flexible and can work for anyone who has other things going on — which we all do.”
Of course, along with all of that excitement comes new challenges. It’s easy to get overwhelmed by all that you don’t yet know — but don’t worry, you’ve got this. To help you focus your efforts, here are five things every developer should know before going freelance.
What’s your end goal?
Ultimately, it’s a good idea to have a goal in mind that will keep you on track.
The first answer that comes to mind is probably money, but try to think bigger. For example, freelancing helped Nicole transition from marketing into tech.
“I wanted to get as much experience as I could, as quickly as I could, [and] make sure I was getting real-world experience that better reflected what I’d be doing as I got into the field,” she says.
Of course, that’s not to say income shouldn’t play a role. (Freelancing helped Nicole stay afloat after quitting her job during the pandemic.) But even with your monetary goals, it helps to be specific.
Are you looking to pad your pockets with a little extra cash or hoping to make this your primary source of income? Will you be happy completing one-off projects here and there, or do you want to work on retainer for longer-term clients?
Identifying your goals will help you figure out what kind of jobs to look for and what to prioritize in negotiations, and it’ll also keep you focused and motivated when challenges arise.
What’s your niche?
Establishing your niche and figuring out what you can bring to the table will help you thrive as a freelancer, Nicole says.
But what is a niche exactly, and how do you find one?
People typically think of a specific platform (like WordPress) or language (like PHP) when trying to find their niche, but Nicole recommends taking it a step further and focusing on a specific industry.
For example, after working with several fashion and beauty brands, Nicole found her niche in e-commerce, helping small businesses and entrepreneurs build and establish their brands.
Do you see yourself helping startups get off the ground, or are you more drawn to the stability and consistency found in larger enterprises? Are there any specific industries you’d like to work in? If so, which ones are most in need of your current skills?
Speaking of your skills, you’ll also want to pinpoint your specific strengths. What can you do better than anyone else? There are a lot of freelancers out there — Zippia reports over 118,000 freelance Software Developers in the U.S. alone.
Utilizing your strengths from other fields is a great way to stand out from the competition. Nicole often incorporates her marketing expertise when she’s working with clients, assisting with branding, social media assets, and email marketing campaigns in addition to the engineering work. “People need more than just a good website,” she says. “They need consistent branding across all the digital places where their brand exists, and I wanted to alleviate as much of that burden as I could.”
How will you handle contracts?
As a freelancer, having contracts for the projects that you take on is key to managing expectations and protecting yourself. The last thing you want is to deal with a client that keeps moving the goalposts or refuses to pay you for your work. The first detail to figure out is: Do you want to get paid per project or for your time? There are lots of differing opinions here, so it’s a matter of figuring out what suits you and your working style best.
Once you have an interested potential client, you’ll likely spend your initial conversations figuring out your scope of work. Don’t rush this! Nicole has dealt with something freelancers call “service creep” (or “scope creep”), which happens when clients gradually tack on more and more work that goes beyond the originally agreed-upon project.
It’s an awkward situation: You don’t want to do twice the amount of work for the same amount of pay, but you also don’t want to risk damaging your relationship with a client (or your reputation). Getting a contract in writing (you can find templates with a quick Google search) that outlines the scope of work, your rate, and when and how you expect to receive payment prevents these uncomfortable situations. It’s even a good idea to include communication norms in the contract — things like how many meetings a week you’ll attend and how long you’ll take to return emails.
If you can afford it, it’s also a good idea to work with an attorney to draft an initial contract template specific to you and the types of services you generally provide. Then you can use that template as a starting point every time you start a new project. (To that point, if you’re ever discussing going into a longer-term retainer, it’s not a bad idea to get an attorney to review the contract, if that’s within your means.)
Having good communication skills will also help you manage client expectations: “A lot of people don’t understand what goes into the things you’re creating,” Nicole says. “They just see the results at the end, so they don’t understand that, for example, adding an integration onto their websites might take a lot more time and effort — and money.”
What will you do to market yourself?
If you’re serious about freelancing, you’ll need to market yourself. How do you plan on finding your clients? Before you create accounts on freelancing platforms like Upwork and Fiverr, Nicole recommends starting with your own personal network.
For example, spread the word that you’re freelancing when you’re socializing with colleagues or other folks in your industry, she suggests. You could even post a quick update to LinkedIn telling your network that you’re officially taking on freelance clients. “A lot of my first clients were gained primarily through word of mouth,” she says.
Or, you can share what you’re learning or projects that you’ve tackled on your social media platforms. Making videos on YouTube about her work is how Nicole built a personal brand — and a dedicated following of thousands of subscribers.
“Even if you’re just beginning, you likely have more knowledge and experience in code and design development than the average person, so that makes you an expert in your own right,” Nicole says. “And sharing whatever bits of value that you have is really helpful in building your credibility and expertise in that area.”
If this type of self-promotion feels insincere, consider sharing funny, insightful, or educational videos on platforms you already use, like Instagram or TikTok. Write a LinkedIn post outlining how you solved a particularly difficult problem. Or participate in online communities like the Codecademy Forums and Stack Overflow, answering questions, reviewing code, and helping other developers fine-tune their own projects. Who knows? Soon clients could be reaching out to you.
How can you maintain work-life balance?
Along with the freedom and flexibility that comes with freelancing, there’s also a ton of responsibility. Finding clients, building a brand, executing contracts, and completing assignments requires a lot of time and energy, and it’s easy to burn yourself out.
It’s important to make time for yourself and find activities that will help you feel renewed and refreshed.
For Nicole, having a set sleep schedule and morning routine ensures that she’s well-rested and ready to work, while also bolstering her physical, emotional, and spiritual health. For you, that could mean spending 20 minutes listening to a daily news podcast while drinking your coffee, going for a run or doing yoga before starting your day, or even wearing specific “work clothes” for when you’re working versus lounging. Similarly, try sticking to a set work schedule. It’s easy to always be on when you’re freelancing, but you don’t want to overwork yourself.
“I also like to journal,” Nicole says. “Just keeping a journal on Notion is really helpful when you need to clear your mind. I also use tools like ClickUp to organize all of my different projects and my schedule, which helps keep me on track.”
Lastly, she also relies on the concept of deep work, based on this book by Cal Newport. “Deep work is great,” Nicole says. “Taking time to pull away from distractions and really focus helps me get so much more done than when I have split screens and Netflix running in the background.”
How To Get Started As A Freelance Developer
Of course, before you launch your career as a freelance developer, you’ll need to build the right skills. That means learning how to code with the languages and frameworks you’ll use on the job.
If you want to help your clients build and polish their websites, we suggest starting with HTML, CSS, and JavaScript. If you’d prefer to help them manage and analyze data, SQL and Python are a great start. And if you want to learn everything you need to know all at once, check out our career paths. Not only will they help you build the right skills to kick off your career, but they’ll also help you build portfolios that you can share with your clients.
Channeling the Muffs, the Go-Go’s and the muscular bravado of ’70s punk, especially in the snarling voice of bassist Eloise Wong, the Linda Lindas shredded through songs about identity, friendship, power and cats, most from their forthcoming debut album, “Growing Up.” They windmilled their instruments in tandem, grinned at each other between numbers and tossed guitar picks to the crowd. “They are so cool — I was never that cool,” an objectively cool woman whispered to a companion. Mid-set, Bela Salazar, the 17-year-old guitarist, instructed the audience to do a/an scream. At the end, the foursome thanked their parents.
This lesson is a part of our Accessible Activities feature, which aims to welcome a wider variety of learners to our site and to The Times in general. Learn more and tell us what you think here.
Elizabeth Meaders’s home on Staten Island houses one of the largest collections of Black history in the country. In this lesson, you will learn about some of the objects in her collection. Then, you will design an exhibit using some of the objects from Ms. Meaders’s collection.
Write or discuss the following questions about collecting things and share your responses with your classmates or in the comments section of the original Student Opinion question:
Do you have a passion for collecting things? If yes, what do you like to collect and why? If not, why not? Could you imagine collecting something one day?
If you do have a collection of something, what do you think you will do with it? Will you sell it one day? Display it in a museum? Or do something else?
The article you will read today is about a woman who has collected objects relating to Black history. If you could collect objects related to any time period or subject in history, what would you pick?
Vocabulary
The article you are about to read includes eight vocabulary words that you might not be familiar with. Take a look at the list below and see how many you recognize and can define. Can you use them in a sentence or explain what they mean to a classmate?
1. What makes the Rosa Parks sculpture in Ms. Meaders’s collection so special?
2. What are some of the kinds of items that abolitionists created? Why do you think they used so many different mediums to “document their feelings”?
3. Who was Crispus Attucks? Why does Ms. Meaders says that his story “warms her heart”?
4. How did Ms. Meaders begin collecting historical artifacts? How did her collections begin to grow beyond her initial interests?
5. What is included in Ms. Meaders’s “civil wrongs” collection? Why does she emphasize that one of the objects is from Maine?
Going Further
Imagine that you are an art curator, someone who chooses which pieces will be displayed in an art exhibit, and you have been asked to create an exhibit on Black history using objects from Ms. Meaders’s collection. Follow these steps to build your exhibit:
Start by looking through the 18 photographs of objects in Ms. Meaders’s collection below. Read the description of each one.
Select three to five objects that you would like to include in your exhibit. As you select the objects, find a theme or focus that they all relate to — for example, sports, racism, activism, slavery or resistance.
Next, arrange the photographs you’ve selected artistically, either by printing them out and physically laying them out, or by using a design program like Canva to make a virtual exhibit.
Finally, write a paragraph that explains why you selected these objects and what story they tell. You can share why they are important to you personally, or why you think other people should see them.
You can share your exhibit with your classmates by doing a gallery walk.
Want more Lessons of the Day? You can find them all here.
The word loathe has appeared in 69 articles on NYTimes.com in the past year, including on Oct. 30 in the Opinion essay “How Could I Ever Love Michigan State?” by Jane Coaston:
Hate is, admittedly, a very strong word. I try not to use it in normal conversation. And more important, I try not to hold hate in my heart, even for my enemies.
But when it comes to sports there’s no other real way to express the depth of disdain I have for the rivals of my alma mater, the University of Michigan. I delight in their sports failings, relish their sports pain when they, say, lose to a 15 seed in the NCAA tournament. Hate for a sports rival is like falling in love: It exists beyond reason.
My sports-based hatred for the entity that is Michigan State University is pure but not uncommon. If you are a sports fan, there is likely a team you support — and then another you loathe. Maybe you’re a Liverpool fan and the mere existence of Manchester United drives you insane.
Daily Word Challenge
Can you correctly use the word loathe in a sentence?
Based on the definition and example provided, write a sentence using today’s Word of the Day and share it as a comment on this article. It is most important that your sentence makes sense and demonstrates that you understand the word’s definition, but we also encourage you to be creative and have fun.
Then, read some of the other sentences students have submitted and use the “Recommend” button to vote for two original sentences that stand out to you.
If you want a better idea of how loathe can be used in a sentence, read these usage examples on Vocabulary.com.
Students ages 13 and older in the United States and the United Kingdom, and 16 and older elsewhere, can comment. All comments are moderated by the Learning Network staff.
Have you ever heard the saying that friends come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime? Some friendships last, while others run their course. Do you have friendships now that you hope will last a lifetime? Are any of your current friends people you have known since you were very young? Have you ever become less close to a good friend over time?
How have you handled these changes in your relationships? Have you ever felt jealous of a friend — or had a friend feel jealous of you?
In “Jealousy Doesn’t Have to Ruin a Friendship,” Juli Fraga and Connie Chang write that everyone feels left out sometimes — but it’s how you handle that feeling that matters. Though the piece is written for adults, its advice can be useful for anyone.
When Bob Bergeson’s friend invited him to a Denver Nuggets basketball game with some new pals, he was excited to join in. Sure, the evening would cost him nearly $400, an amount he wouldn’t normally spend. But Mr. Bergeson’s splurge didn’t reflect a slavish devotion to basketball; he opened his wallet because he felt insecure about his languishing relationship with his friend, who he perceived to be getting closer to a new group of people.
“He started hanging out with the dads on his daughter’s soccer team and talking about them fondly and I thought, ‘Oh, man he’s kind of got some new friends,’” Mr. Bergeson, 42, a business consultant in Denver, said. “I needed to insert myself to make sure I still mattered to him.”
Just like you can lose a romantic partner to another person, “friends can also lose their slot in the best friend hierarchy,” said Jaimie Krems, a friendship researcher and assistant professor of psychology at Oklahoma State University. This fear of being replaced is often borne out of jealousy, Dr. Krems said. And one way to cope with it, she added, is by doing something social scientists refer to as friend guarding — actions like excessively praising a friend or cutting down a new rival, for example — to maintain a threatened relationship.
“Like all behaviors, there are good and bad aspects of friend guarding,” Dr. Krems said. Telling your friend how much they mean to you might bolster your friendship, she said, but badmouthing a newbie might anger your friend and cause them to pull away.
Miriam Kirmayer, a friendship expert and clinical psychologist in Ottawa, said feelings of jealousy and envy in friendships are quite common with her adult clients, but many feel ashamed of those feelings because they mistake them “as a sign of immaturity.” On the contrary, Dr. Kirmayer said. When handled correctly, jealousy can lead to a deeper understanding of yourself, and as a result, more fulfilling friendships. Here’s how.
The authors then give advice, including understanding your own triggers, learning to manage self-critical thoughts and reframing your jealousy into something more positive.
